Long before the rise of the JEJEMONS and the so-called JEJEBUSTERS, I was already in the business of prying open different Friendster profiles (because Friendster is just filled with losers) and scouting for post-worthy pictures of douchebags. I had called them douchebags in the past, in my other blog. They are actually what had always been known as "jologs" and what I think have evolved into "jejemons".
Douchebags. Jologs. Jejemons.
They're all one thing--LOSERS.
I had used simple criteria in my old post to determine who in the great herds of people are douchebags. Now that we are at this juncture, I think it is but proper to come up with a fresh set of standards for douchebaggery. After all, since my early years of douchebag-busting, there are now more people who might share this same interest.
Off the top of my head, you know someone is a douchebag/jologs/jejemon if:
- He/she has a stupid expression plastered across his/her freaking face every time his/her picture is taken. Oftentimes, they just want to achieve the angas effect.
- He/she has an urgent compulsion to make a hand signal in a picture. The meaning of such hand signal is usually unknown even to the douchebag himself. They're stupid kasi so they do things they do not really understand or comprehend. Which brings us to...
- He/she does things which he/she thinks are cool or will make him/her cool. In reality, however, they actually personify the statement feeling gwapo, looking gago. And because he/she feels so cool...
- He/she has this need to give their "cool" group an equally "cool" name...and make a sappy group collage. Strike sappy. Insert cool. Of course, if the group has a name, he/she also has to come up with a cool nickname for him/herself.
- He/she uses the same "cool" accessories in all of their pictures. One fake rayban aviator lenses + badass trucker cap = 1,000 pictures spread across his/her lifetime. Apparently, you can try to look cool, but...kung cheap ka, cheap ka.
A fun way to test drive our five standards is to google an ultra tacky term that only douchebags would use. Be creative. Step in their fake Nike Dunk Lows and feel the jejemon blood rush through your veins.
Ohm. Ohm. OhHHhmmMmzzz...
I decided to look up tropang gangsta. Ah, treasure trove indeed. Readily, I stumble upon a Friendster profile. What are the odds?!
Let's try our five standards on MR.[SiMpLe]
- Stupid expression on ugly face. Check.
- Stupid hand signal that even he does not understand the meaning of. Check.
- Feeling gwapo, looking freakishly gago. Check.
- Cheap aviators. Jeje cap. Check. Check.
- Stupid nag-a-ala gangster nickname (Zhakim - "sakim", jejemized). Check.
- Lame-ass group with a lame-ass group name. Check.
CHUPA Clan? Seriously? You think you boys are so badass? Sige nga, try to translate your group name in English. I suppose you won't feel as astig, eh?
Don't you just love the stupidity? Chupa All-Star--CHOOSE ONE?! LMAO. ROFL. I could die if I continue laughing this hard. The fugly one wearing the fake Sean John shirt even has two stars photoshopped in to be his earrings. I mean, come on? You should be pretty clueless to think that THIS is cool, in any way. Ugh. Well, even though they have squat of an idea what their group name really means, I think it serves its purpose. These "gangsters" sure do look like those who get paid for rendering certain "services" to willing and paying customers. Call boy 10 piso onli.
There. I'm officially back in the game. First mission back accomplished. From now on until school resumes, I guess, I will be devoting some time in busting more of these losers. I'll post pictures, for sure. Mocking is super fun when you actually see the mockery of human beings these douchebags are. Chupa clan...hilarious. Good times. Good friggin' times.