An Open Letter for a Euro General's Homecoming

For the latest Philippine news stories and videos, visit GMANews.TV

I should have posted this the other day, but due to time constraints, mainly me rushing out of the office to go to school for a dreaded final exam, I wasn't able to.

Before I begin, you should know that I'm out of the country right now and, for obvious reasons, I may be more out-of-the-loop than usual. I haven't heard (nor have I looked it up) of any follow up news on Dela Paz. That's a bit better I guess, lest my vacation gets ruined by another corrupt policeman.

An Open Letter (to the extent and bounds of this openness, that I'm not quite certain) upon the arrival of Former PNP Controller Dela Paz...

Dear Sir,

Welcome back!

How was your trip?

Did you have fun? I think you did. With PhP 5.9 million you had lying around, I think you had all the resources to make the Interpol fun for you.

By the way, what was that convention for anyway? I didn't bother looking it up, Sir, as I am sure, so sure that I'm betting my life, that it was for a truly worthwhile purpose, though such purpose remains yet to be seen (or believed in). I guess no one should doubt the legitimacy of your trip and the contention chosen to attend it, them being a whole bunch of your kumpares in the force and, of course, their wives, your kumares. I'm sure it was purely coincidental that all of you, being the close friends that you all are, were chosen to attend that one-of-a-kind Russian convention.

Oh, what were you and Mr. Ermita saying regarding the purpose of the money you brought with you? You say the MEDIA were the ones confusing everyone, indiscriminately and recklessly using "contingent funds" and "advances" as if they are two different things when, as Ermita so gallantly and smugly pointed out, they are one and the same (an advance made for contingent funds)? Shet. Ang tatanga nga naman ng MEDIA. MEDIA ha? Shet. Of all people, sila pa ang nagkamali.

But you know, in things like this one, one could not help but think that there might be SOME truth in what the MEDIA are saying. Never mind that I have spent four freaking years (not counting another four years of finance education) auditing the contingent funds and advances of many different companies...Sir, baka nga naman magkaiba yun?

Ang labis ko lang namang ipinagtataka, General, although this is just a query, not at all am I incriminating you in any way whatsoever... Have you not retired already? From my crude knowledge of how the standard operating procedures on taking out advance goes, is not that before an employee retires or for some reason leaves a job/company, he/she must pay any outstanding advances to his name in order to be cleared for resignation? This is to ensure that all it is paid and to avoid people borrowing money and running away from their obligation to pay for them. Well, I MIGHT be wrong on this, Sir. Kung kayo nga eh, General pang itinuring, you bypassed that system. The PNP may have a MORE SOPHISTICATED expenditure cycle that a lowly auditor like me would never comprehend. Maybe retired generals are allowed to make advances from the PNP funds even after they are out of the service. Besides, you were the comptroller yourself. I'm sure it was not at all difficult for you to approve your own application for advances.

I heard you were planning to make a liquidation form of all your expenses while you and your ravishing cohorts were enjoying a contingent fund fit for a whole district of public schools. Good luck with that. Sir, tip from the wise. Collect all possible official receipts to support your liquidation form, okay? File them all properly so that everyone will believe you that the fund and your stay in Moscow were totally legit.

At this point, Sir, I want to wish you ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD. As in all. Pati na bad luck. Nakakasuka na kasing maging sarcastic eh. Sa mga pinakamababang uri ng taong kagaya mo, sarcasm would prove futile, as your stupidity would seem to bar you from getting its point.

So sir, advances for contingency fund ba 'kamo? Ha. Lokohin mo ang lelong mong panot. Gago.

Best regards,
xtin

Namedropping Should Be a Crime

It's final exam season once again. And, as expected, I have established a camp of sorts in Starbucks. I've been spending so much time there that I am typically overwhelmed with all the an-away-a-day material I come across.

This scenario is just one of them.

Background: A woman enters Starbucks carrying at least five boxes of what I think were pastries/yummy goodies from the Conti’s next-door.

The barista on duty sees the woman and the boxes she was carrying.

Barista: [impressed] Wow, ang dami naman po niyan.

Woman: Ah, ano ito eh [insert name of pastry], bigay ng owner [insert name of owner]

B: Ah, okay.

W: [smug] Friend ko siya, eh.

xtin: [in thought] WENONGAYON KUNG FRIEND MO? MAY NAGTATANONG BA?


Ugh. I despise namedroppers. They think they’re all that because they “know” certain people or that these certain “important” people know them. Eat shit. I don’t and I won’t give a rat’s ass if you once knew the Sultan of Brunei. Or if you once dated the neighbor of the cousin of the cook of the Sultan of Brunei.

Nor would I find it impressive that you got five boxes of goodies from your friend, the owner of the restaurant. To my mind, I can get the same five boxes by simply paying for it. The two of us will get the same stuff, in the end. I paid for them and you, on the other hand, freeloaded. What’s so special about that?

I guess it’s good that you know of someone “important” and have conveniently benefited from this relationship. Okay lang 'yun. But please, don’t walk around with a smug look on your face, thinking that you’re better than everyone else just because you have this potentially fictitious friendship with this certain important person.

Get this.

Dingdong Avanzado is my cousin.
Philip Salvador is my ninong.
Carmina Villaroel used to be my neighbor.
I went to the same high school as Kitchie Nadal.
I have had my picture taken with FVR and ERAP, on separate occasions.
I shook hands with Ramon Magsaysay Jr. during EDSA II.

No big effin deal?

Yes, it’s not a big deal. It’s not because it shouldn’t be.

If it’s not you who is “important”, what makes you think that knowing someone who is will make you any different?

Starbucks Hitlist [an update to part 1]

A couple of months have passed since the time I promised a second installment of my Starbucks Hitlist. I’ll be making good my nasty promise in a few weeks or so. Really. Need not worry. But before proceeding to it, I think it is only fitting to revisit Part One of my hitlist and give you some updates. I know you want it anyway, wehehe. Have your pistols ready, then.

KOREAN MOB slash ALL FOR ONE CUP, ONE CUP FOR ALL

These Kimchi Martians (pun intended, sorry) were very much on the freeloading prowl again. All these pictures were taken in a span of 6 hours in Starbucks BF (as expected). The air was filled with their back-of-the-throat murmurs and gibberish. There was excitement as if there was a birthday party of sorts. And, to my surprise, there indeed was. They occupied at least one-third of the tables and when this one girl entered the store, they broke into what I could only fathom as the Korean version of the birthday song.

NOTE THAT NOT ONE OF THEM, NI ISA MAN LANG, ORDERED ANYTHING FROM STARBUCKS. TABLES ARE TOTALLY EMPTY. COURTESY TOTALLY LACKING AT THIS POINT, EH?

The nerve of these people really. WALA na ngang mga order ang mga ito, nasikmura pang magkakanta at mag-celebrate ng birthday party? Wow ah.

Kill me, please, kill me.

ALL FOR ONE CUP, ONE CUP FOR ALL: PINOY (JOLOGS) VERSION

These Jay-z posse wannabes, douchebags really, were also caught freeloading. And you thought only foreigners have the nerve to do this shameless deed. Pinoys are precisely more notorious at it, mainly because most of us have the tendency to social climb and, at the same time, be parasitic. Take these idiots as examples. They were a group of at least five, I think, and only one of them bought a cup of Starbucks coffee just so they could be seen hanging out at the café. Honestly, they were misplaced in the area. For one, they wore these cheap-thus-hideous gangster get-ups. Two, they even had this little mp3 player that blasted what they thought was gangster music (this is a separate category in my second installment of this hitlist…coming very soon). Talk about JOLOGS. No wonder. Freeloading is simply their second nature.



CAMERA WHORES

Recall in my original post that I included pictures of camera whores who were not the STEREOTYPICAL camera whores, as indicated by the tell-tale signs (teeny boppers taking their own pictures, etc.)? Well, I’m very proud to say that I was graced with the presence of THE STEREOTYPICAL CAMERA WHORES… teeny boppers, bangs, Frappucinos, and all. Batteries not included, though.

Sighting happened in Starbucks Greenhills Theater Mall. Good thing these girls only took a few shots. Had they taken one more shot, I would’ve hung myself then and there.


THE BROKEN-HEARTED AND THE SHOULDER-TO-CRY-ON

When I came up with the first installment of my Starbucks Hitlist, in speaking of “the broken-hearted and the shoulder-to-cry-on”, what I had in mind was the image of two females, one distraught and broken, the other so eager to listen and supportive.

Upon a subsequent visit, though, to Starbucks BF, this particular hitlist category has somewhat evolved. Apparently, males also can fill in the shoes of the broken-hearted and the friend-in-time-of-need.

The two guys, to cut it short, were obviously gay. At first, I thought they were talking about some business venture or something. The problematic between the two of them was sitting nearer the window in a baby blue, starch-crisp polo. I say problematic because it was evident in his tone of voice. I could readily sense his infuriation and frustration by the way he squeaked at the end of his sentences.

I was listening in to their conversation not because I wanted to, but because, again, it was hard for me NOT to overhear them. And of course, it became a little more interesting. It was, I must say, a truly unbelievable conversation.

Background: The Broken-hearted Gay apparently had, just recently, broken it off from his boyfriend. This boyfriend of his was Chinese. His boyfriend’s mom supposedly found out about their relationship and, him being pure Filipino, was completely unreceptive and suspicious of him. And so he says…

Broken-hearted: Grabe, talaga ang mom niya. Noong nakita ako, sinabi daw n’un mom niya tignan daw ang butt ko, baka meron daw akong [insert unintelligible terms].

Shoulder-to-cry-on: Omaygad…

xtin: [thinks] Nakupo! Why in the world did I have to hear that? Why, lord? Why?

Unbelievable? Believe it. I’ve heard about airing dirty laundry in public. But his was literally filthy.

Dishing out these updates only confirms how on-target the tell-tale signs I’ve come up with in identifying these Starbucks dwellers are.

So…shooting spree, anyone? Oh, wait. Not just yet. Wait for the second installment of the hitlist, that way there will be better chances for us to actually bring someone down. Hehehe.