No White Pants After Labor Day

Josie Geller: That'll teach me to wear white pants after labor day.

Gibby Zerefski: Nobody's worn white pants after 1983.

Indeed. There IS something wrong with anyone who chooses to wear white pants—ever.


I’m not talking about your generic, run-in-the-mill white pants. What pisses me off the most nowadays are white SKINNY jeans. Not just white skinny jeans…those white skinny jeans on MEN. MALES. BOYS. Those with the Y chromosome.

I mean, it’s bad enough one of the worst fashion choices from the NOTORIOUSLY FASHIONABLE ERA of the eighties, the skinny jeans—or just baston pants—have made a resurrection of sorts. The worse thing is that it has to be worn by men. The freaking fit of those jeans is hip-thigh-leg and not to mention CROTCH-hugging…Holy shit. How can a guy in his right mind find it in himself to wear something so—unflattering? And why of all colors, in God’s holy name, would they choose white? Can you be gayer than that?

Well, I WOULD understand, even if just a tad bit, if a GAY guy wears white shitty, er, skinny jeans (WSJs hereafter). To some extent, it WOULD fit the stereotype. And I must admit that there are rare occasions that they do carry WSJs well. But note the RARE in my statement. BryanBoy COULD get away with it. I'd find it so difficult to comprehend if someone else fashions it. So if someone who is not actually gay wears WSJs, I’d say he would be shitting me if he insists that he is straight. So please, stop shitting me.

It just looks so…so…STUPID. It doesn’t look good. REALLY. And people who wear these shitty WSJs almost always are one thing—a douchebag. Or a specie at least. Douchebags, as I have said before, wear things that they think would look nice on them just because it looks good on others. These men who wear white skinny jeans are, to my mind, just that.

Now, since they ARE douchebags, you’d see, apart from their WSJs, some other article of clothing that would complete the douchebag ensemble. Be it a gigster cap or collar-ups…look for it…it’s going to be there. And if you look more closely, you’d notice that for every additional piece of clothing, the person looks more idiotic. Well, they are, more often than not, idiots anyway. If the jeans, er, shoe fits, right?

Getting to that portion of my post where I share my paparazzied finds. Here are some reality captures of DOUCHEBAGS who are in their WSJs:

In Greenbelt 5
Ugh. Another Ayala Mall with more designer stores. We should blame these freaking malls for propagating a culture of shameless social climbers who frequent these designer stores in the hopes that one day, they would be able to buy even just a key chain at Balenciaga (if Balenciaga does sell keychains). To me, wearing WSJs in GB5 forces to see you in that light. Unflattering, ain’t it? Note the collar-ups.

These may be not too SKINNY for some people out there. But, for me, they are a stitch too tight.

In Trinoma
No surprise. This mall is filled, and I say FILLED, with fashion victimized douchebags. And look, the guy’s on a date…with another guy. Great. How sweet. Maybe the pair of WSJs really is working wonders.

In School
Crap. Nakakahiya. I mean, in school? So this guy really thinks that he looks decent? That he’d be brave enough to let other students see him that way? Eew. Talk about oblivious. And the hair man. I suggest that instead of wasting time, money (and your life) in buying those hideous WSJs, you should just visit the barbershop and do something about your hair. Have it relaxed. Shorten it. Chop your whole head off, I won’t care, really. Just get them out of my sight. It just occurred to me that these aren’t actually WHITE as they are obviously BLACK, but they ARE skinny jeans, nonetheless, on a MALE. Hideous. With ridiculous white sneakers. Damn.

Please lang mga tsong. I hate to break it to you, but you really have to know that you look so effin gay. And that’s only good if you really ARE gay. If you’re not, lose the WSJs. Strap on a pair—a better and more visually acceptable one. Please.

See Yahoo! Answers for the alleged source of the No White After Labor Day Rule